|
Well here is what all the Hoopla's about!!! That's right,
it's my exclamation mark guide!!! This is what the Japanese
have been using to decipher secret U.S. nuclear codes:
• One mark means: I have absolutely no interest
at all in this movie. The only reason I'm posting it here
is I owe this writer a favor for letting look at pictures
of scantily clad women.
• Two marks mean: I feel the same way about this
article as I do about rotting chicken livers: I'll eat it
if it's the only thing I've got left in the fridge!!
• Three Marks: EPT Stick test says Lynn Bracken
isn't pregnant!!!
• Four Marks: Doctor concurs with stick test!!!!
• Five Marks: This movie is great, but no one
I've met or e-mailed in real life had anything to do with
it.
• Six Marks: This movie sucked, but Robert Rodriguez
directed it!!!!!!
• Seven Marks: This is the most stupendous, most
incredible fucking movie directed by a friend of mine that
I have ever fucking seen!!!!!!!
Coaxial News? You mean you've never heard of it? Until yesterday,
neither had I! In fact, I just glanced at the right side of
the page and THERE IT WAS! I called my cosmic friends and
gathered a tribunal council to discuss the matter. When they
informed me that it has indeed been there for the past three
years, I CREAMED MY JEANS. Why didn't anyone tell me? Well,
anyway, I have no idea what it is. I hear it's a section devoted
to Kevin Williamson's love life, but I just don't have the
time to find out for sure.
HARRY'S WORLD
This here is where you will find out a bit more about why
this idiot named Harry is such a character. True stories of
the geek in his native enviroment in AUSTIN!!! Beware! This
can be quite graphic and frightening, not visually, but descriptively.
In fact, Congress is trying to pass a law labeling this as
pornography so only 18 year olds and up can enter! Until then,
welcome children!!!
|
|
Here, you are in control, you post, you write and you discuss
the ins and outs of what-not and life, until I go through and
randomly delete posts.
I'd like to take a moment to thank all of the voices in my head
that have made me so successful in life. To Sam the Butcher:
Thanks for telling me that I don't have to give up my lunch
money when I'm being bullied. To Donna the Swandiver: You're
the best. See you tonight, hon. And.... to Sammy the Bull...
you know who you are ... thanks for getting me through those
days when I was a human mechanical bull.
Remember kiddies, Uncle Harry says vote Democrat!!! And when
you can't vote Democrat, at least vote Eastwood.
English teachers beware: From the people who brought you "Written
by Harry Knowles" comes the Ain't It Cool Movie Reviews!
What makes these so different is my philosophy that film review
doesn't begin and end with good grammar. There is more to it.
What we do and who we are affects the review and how we compose
simple phrases. Instead of hiding that, I share it, much to
the dismay of the general population and the editors of Variety,
which is why they won't ever mention me in any of the articles
they steal from me.
LINKS
The last time someone clicked on a link this far down the
page was: March 17, 1997. These are the links that I find
cool. I have a link to the lost city of Atlantis. It's the
actual city, people! But you don't care. No one ever reads
this far down anyway. Buncha mindless schills.
Don't click here, I'm pretty sure it links to Mr. Showbiz.
There's nothing there to read.
Rumors
Aint-It-Cool-News.com takes no responsibility for publishing
false, misleading or libelous rumors. Here, any rumor I publish
is probably true, especially ones about Kevin Spacey's sex
life
|
