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My fans have sent me several messages
of love and support during this
difficult time. Here are just about all of them:
Dear Martha,
Wanted to let you know that I think what the government
is doing to you
is awful and that I stand by you 90%.
Sincerely,
Your mom
Dear Martha,
I think it's terrible that they're persecuting you
like this. It's obviously because of your race.
Regards,
Jose Canseco
Hi Martha,
Next time you want to make a Web site proclaiming
your innocence, could
you check with us on it first?
Thanks,
Your lawyers
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Hi Martha,
Before you go to prison, please don't forget to release
us from these chains.
Sincerely,
your slave kitchen employees
To: Martha Stewart
From: Mail Delivery Subsystem
Re: Returned mail, address unknown
Your message to "Waksal, Sam" had a bad
or invalid email address.
Your message is as follows:
"Sam, please, I'll pay you anything if you don't
rat me out to the feds.
I know you gave me great information
on selling that stock--and I'll always be thankful
that you helped me save that $49.92, but now they're
jumping all over my back about the info. you gave
to me. If you keep quiet, I'll put out. This time,
I mean it.
Love,
Martha"
Dear Martha,
Ever since my IMclone stock certificates became completely
worthless, I have found the most exciting uses for
them around the house! For instance, last week I took
a few and laminated them into placemats for my dinner
table. Then I threw some of them into a pot of boiling
water and served them to my family as dinner.
The delicious paper pulp was both satisfying
and full of dietary fiber!
Regards,
Heloise
Dear Martha,
If you "TP" my house one more time I'm going
to have to press charges. Though I must say, that
french toilet paper you use is simply marvelous! Where
do you get that? Trader Joes?
Sincerely,
Bill Donaldson
Chairman, Securities and Exchange Commmission
Dear Martha,
The offer still stands!
Larry Flynt
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