The Happy Couple

Watch the Happy Couple Every Tuesday

On the next episode of MTV's Newlyweds…

Jessica: Is this chicken or is it fish? I know it tastes like fish, but the can says chicken of the sea.
Nick: It's fish.
Jessica: Yeah, but the can says it's chicken.
Nick: [is silent, goes back to watching baseball game]
Jessica: But it tastes like fish.
Nick: I'm going to shoot you.

Commercial break

Jessica: I really don't want to sleep outdoors. Can't we sleep in the house when we go camping?
Nick: [Is silent]
Jessica: Yeah, but, I really think we'll get eaten by wolves or something out here. Didn't you see the Blair Witch Project?
Nick: I'm going to shoot you.
Jessica: Spit is gross. Why would anyone spit on anythng?
[Nick slyly eyes hot blonde publicist he brought with him]

Commercial break

Jessica: Golfing is hard
Nick: [Is silent]
Jessica: I bet there aren't a lot of women golfers with big boobs.
Nick: [stares blankly at the distance]
Jessica: Why is the golf ball so small? That's stupid. It makes it harder to hit.
Nick: After I'm done shooting you, I will strangle your corpse with my bare hands to ensure that you are gone from this earth.
Jessica: I'm going to spit at the golf ball.
Nick: [beats Jessica with golf club]
Jessica: Why do horses have such big asses?
Nick: [stares blankly at the distance]

Commercial break

Jessica: Gravity's not fair! It sucks that things fall!
Nick: [is silent]
Jessica: Nick, laundry should clean itself, don't you think?
Nick: [Looks down at crotch] This is all your fault! [Nick cuts off penis, throws it out window.]
Jessica: Don't you think Jello is too green?

- Brandon Stahl