Law & Order: Saddam Interrogations

In the criminal justice system, there are two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime; and the attorneys, who prosecute the offenders.

These are their stories.

Cop 1:
Caught you like the rat you are, Saddam.

Cop 2:
Thought you could get hide from us, Saddam?

Cop 1:
You're in a world of trouble Saddam, so you better start talking.

Cop 2:
Yeah, Saddam. You had better… hey, what do we want him to tell us?

Cop 1:
Jeez, guess I hadn't thought of that yet.

*Cops leave room to talk it over*

*Cops re-enter room*

Cop 1:
Okay Saddam, so where's Dru Sjodin?

Cop 2:
Yeah, where's … wait, who?

Cop 1:
You know, that North Dakota college student?

Cop 2:
Now how the hell would he know that?

Cop 1:
*eyes narrow*:
You won this round, Saddam.

*Cops re-enter room*

Cop 1:
Okay, Saddam, where'd you hide the money?

Cop 2:
Jeez, it was in a trunk with him in that hole, remember?

Cop 1:
Dammit, this is going nowhere.

Cop 1:
Bad news, Saddam: the President just said Iraq will determine where you'll stand trial.

Cop 2:
And Iraq wants to give you the death penalty.
Cop 1: But we do have some good news.

Cop 2:
We do? What's that?

Cop 1:
I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

Cop 2:
Maybe you should start tell me what you're going to say before we go in here.

*Cops re-enter the room*

Cop 1:
Alright, Saddam, we know you know who's behind the attacks. The DA is willing to cut a deal with you if just tell us who.

*Looks over at other cop for approval of what he's just said*

Cop 2
*Nods*:
Yeah, otherwise, you'll get the death penalty for sure.

Cop 1:
Your friends have already ratted you out and… actually, I think he's going to die no matter what he does.

Cop 2:
Would you just.. just shut the hell up?

*Incredibly hot assistant district attorney summons the cops from the interrogation*

Asst. DA:
Bad news, the judge just ruled that the evidence we have against him is inadmissible. We gotta let him go.

Cop 1:
What?

Chief:
Yeah, apparently the troops never bothered to obtain a warrant for that spiderhole.

Cop 2:
You gotta be kidding me!

Chief:
And beating him senseless without his attorney present doesn't help much.

Cop 2:
But… he's Saddam Hussein!

Asst. DA:
Look, if we keep him now the best we can get him on is a small dope charge. He'd do at most five months. You really want that?

Cop 1
*eyes narrow*:
Dammit.

*District Attorney and his assistants are walking down the courthouse steps*

DA:
Looks being the cruel dictator of Middle Eastern country has its advantages.

Assistant DA:
Sometimes the law isn't enough to bring someone to justice.

Hot DA:
Um, yeah. Who wants a burger?

Executive Producer:
Dick Wolf

- Brandon Stahl