Their Backs are Killing Them

The Rolling Stones are back on tour to celebrate an astonishing forty years of rocking since the band was formed in 1962. Suggested names for the tour:

• The Steel Wheelchair Tour

• Emotional Rescue from a Nursing Home

• Black and Blue--Oy, I Think I Broke My Hip

• Shaky Spasmodic Fingers

• Undercover, So You Can't See Me Using a Bedpan

• Start Me Up With A Little Bran And I Should Be Okay

• Stripped, And Then Given A Colonoscopy

• It's Only Rock n' Roll But It's Giving Me A Headache

• Hot Rocks, Hot Rocks, Pass Me The Botox

• Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out (If You Use Depends, No One Will Notice)

• Harlem Shuffle, Just Us And Our Walkers

• Satisfaction--Still Possible, Thanks To Viagra

• Brown Sugar: Makes The Metamucil Go Down Much Easier

• Dead Flowers-What, You Too Busy To Get Your Poor Father Some Fresh Ones, Mr. Big Shot?

• Gimme Shelter and A Case Of Depends, Just To Be Safe

• Let's Spend The Night Together, If You Don't Mind Sleeping With A Flaccid Octogenarian

-Rachel Sklar