What's So Bad About
The Reagans?
A Showtime Miniseries

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SCENE 1
[Presidential Bedroom – The WhiteHouse]

Enter Ronnie, wearing only a shower cap.
"Little Ronnie" is carefully concealed from the
camera by a flower arrangement in the foreground.

Nancy Reagan:
Ronnie, I think you've gone and
forgotten to put on your pants again!
And remember, Peggy Noonan is going to be
over in just a few minutes.

Ronald Reagan:
[cocks his head to one side]
Well, now Nancy, there you go confusing
my dementia with my sexual advances again-

Nancy Reagan
Honey, we don't have time for that right now!

Ronald Reagan:
Nancy, I just tore apart the entire U.S.S.R.
I'm feeling a bit peckish. I think it's time for some
tickle down economics!

Nancy Reagan:
[Rips off polyester tracksuit to reveal her naked, glistening body]
Oh! Ronnie. You really know how to turn a girl on.

Ronald Reagan:
[Camera cuts to closeup and reveals his large heaving chest covered in
thick hair. Just below his navel is a long scar. Reagan points to the scar.]
Come here Nancy...I need another Hinkley hickey!

Nancy Reagan:
[Buries her face in his presidential carpet.]
Orgh! Umph...(unintelligible)

Ronald Reagan:
[Stares at the ceiling in extacy]
Yeah baby, yeah. Tear down that libido!

Enter Peggy Noonan

Peggy Noonan:
Oh, Mr. President! I didn't mean to-

Ronald Reagan:
Interrupt? Well, you're not interrupting anything Peggy, come right in!

Peggy Noonan:
[drops to her knees and flips her hair back seductively]
Oh Dutch!

Nancy Reagan:
Ormph! Ummmph! (unintelligible)

Enter Oliver North in Plumber's Outfit

Oliver North:
I heard somebody had some plumbing they needed fixed?

Cut to 45-minute
musical montage of simulated
sex between all four policymakers

#end#

- Travis Daub