When Travis, Lostbrain’s assistant editor of shipping and handling, and I started the website, we were so full of ourselves, so arrogant and egomaniacal that we thought we could be the best thing on the web since Jesus appeared to us in a late night vision while we were on the MSNBC site.

However, now that Lostbrain has incarnated, the pressure is truly on. It's really, really on. It's this intense, maddening feeling, like Jack Nicholson in the Shining, when he asked the innkeeper where they stored the food, and the keeper wasn't sure, so he lied and told him about all the ghosts that inhabited the lodge. Just maddening. The pressure to come up with creative concepts and stories to put on a webpage is much difficult than I could have ever realized, especially since I normally try and realize things far in advance, like what I'll wear in March and April, and what I'll be eating in June.

After a couple minutes of soul-searching and burrito consumption, I have come to a solution: I'm not going to come up with anymore ideas. It's too difficult to make people laugh nowadays —what in these 90's-depressing-because-everyone-has-a-much-larger-bank-account-than-I-do-days (not to mention car, cheese rolls and own private islands). Instead, I’m going to use my make fun of forgotten 80s musicians.

1. Stevie Winwood. Remember when he was playing guitar side by side with Jimmy Hendrix? Or playing live shows sold out to 523 screaming fans at the Brackett Airfield in Ontario, CA? Or when he was arrested for for rebel rousing in early 1985?
   Really? 'Cause, now that I think about it, I'm thinking of someone completely different. If you can guess who I'm thinking about, write to me with the correct answer and I'll send you this really neat dashboard I won on Ebay. Come to think of it, I can't remember who Stevie Winwood is. Was he the guy who became the first man to pull an airplane with his teeth?
   
   
2. REO Speedwagon. In college, my roommate would play this band until I was forced to take up a half-assed heroine addiction and start reading romance novels in hopes that the sound would stop. They probably came up with the "You're up, You're up, you're down, you're down, you're down" song, and therefore should be blamed for causing thousands of death by war and famine. Really, I can't think of a worse insult than being a band responsible for war and famine.
   
   
3. The Presidents of The United States of America. Okay, so they're really a band that played in the evil 90s, but I can't help but wonder what would happen if they achieved fame in the 80s. Would so many people have moved out into the country to eat a lot of peaches? Would the exodus have taken place? Or would the song have clashed with the exodus of Damn Yankees "High Enough" when thousands of people were forced to leave the country in fear of Ted Nugent?
   
   
4. That guy who sang that "Wishing Well" song. I don't know his name, I'm doubting anyone reading this (the six of you) can name him, either. I even doubt that you know if it was a him or a her, of a talking puppy. Perhaps you've always thought it was a buxom woman, like Peter Settera or the really large Neville brother. Nevertheless. It was a song that shall live in infamy, because it exposed the "wishing well" as the place where people went to "kiss and tell." It was the dirty little secret that no one wanted revealed, except the filthy republican right, who produced and wrote the song, and were responsible for its success on the Billboard charts.

Other than that, the 80s were full of musical triumphs, and don't warrant further insults

-Brandon Stahl