Never look directly into the New Kid's eyes— unless you want your face melted off.

It's Tough To be The New Kid

It's tough being the new kid at school. New faces, new cliques, new social situations. Life can be tough. Unless you have someone to help usher you in, show you around, teach you the ropes. That person should be you.

Social Situation #1: The school dance
YOU: Hey new kid, are you going to the dance?
NEW KID: I do not know how to dance.
YOU: I will teach you how. Watch me.
(you teach new kid to dance.)

Social Situation #2: The Homecoming Carnival
YOU: Would you like to help us create a homecoming float?
NEW KID: I've never created a "homecoming float." Should I bring ice cream?
YOU: I like you, New Kid. You're funny.
(you clap new kid on back and show him how to glue streamers together.)

Social Situation #3: The Election of Class President
YOU: New Kid, are you running for Class President?
NEW KID: What is a president? Where I come from our rulers are systematically chosen by an evaluation of their specific genetic codes and psychic abilities.
YOU: Well here, we do it by popularity.
NEW KID: Will you teach me to be popular?
(you coach new kid on his election speech to the class.)

Social Situation #4: Passing a Geometry Final.
YOU: Hey new kid, do you need help understanding isoceles triangles?
NEW KID: Not at all. My race of people live in homes which closely resemble isoceles triangles and which harness cosmic power to charge their telekinetically-fueled living devices.
YOU: Oh, you live in an A-Frame?
NEW KID: Um. Yes.

Social Situation #5: Scoring the big touchdown
YOU: New Kid! You have been thrown the ball! Run toward the end zone!
NEW KID: My enemies are pursuing me! I must destroy them!
(new kid sends electro-psychic bursts of energy from his psynodes, rendering the Holden County Cougars paralyzed for life, runs for touchdown)
YOU: The new kid is a great football player!

Social Situation #6: Graduation
YOU: Are you ready for graduation day, New Kid?
NEW KID: It will be all of mankind's graduation day, as they will soon "graduate" from rudimentary flesh-based beings into enslaved souls who will serve my people in the Drok mines of Aldanar forever in humility and poverty.
YOU:  Alright then! The party's at eight!

-By Chris Tomlin