Thomas Edison: Responsible for inventing the least effective form of birth control.

Edison's Other Inventions

A lot of people think Thomas Edison only invented the light bulb and the phonograph, but there were other inventions that never caught on quite as much. LostBrain broke into Edison’s home in Menlow Park, New Jersey to bring you some of these. Read about his top seven "other inventions" as we await bail:

"The Windshield Shield" – After his buddy Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, Edison knew it was only a matter of time until cell phones came about. He also knew that people were likely to use these cell phones while driving an automobile. He further predicted that they would probably get into crashes because they wouldn’t be paying attention to the road while using these cell phones. Hence, "The Windshield Shield", a plexi-glass mask you wear for protection when your head goes through the windshield after the crash.

(Note: Particularly strange that Edison was able to predict the invention of the car, though it wouldn’t be invented for another 30 years. Note 2: Particularly strange that Edison was unable to predict the seatbelt.)

"Cute Puppy Guillotine" – Edison predicted that other people had the same hobby he had: decapitating puppies, particularly cute ones. He found that human guillotines were too expensive, so he scaled one down to cute puppy size. Of course, the engraving may have just said "Cut Puppy Guillotine," but that would be uncharacteristically redundant of him.

"Clear Pepsi" – Very surprised to find the clear drink left out on his table tasted just like Pepsi. A note attached to the glass said, "Clearly The Best." (Note: Edison didn't invent cleverness.)

"Pulling Out" – Edison left a report out that described a procedure where a man pulls out of a woman just before he, as Thomas put it, "layered his frosting". Edison had many other sexual metaphors involving baked goods, but too many to list.

"Reft" – Not quite left, not quite right.

"Jeff Foxworthy’s Substance" – Edison eventually gave up on this invention, realizing he would have to invent the telescope for anyone to see it.

"Renting Headphones On Airplanes For The In-Flight Movie" - Edison quickly predicted passengers would either bitch that they "already spent enough on a goddamn connecting flight and should get the movie for free" or would luck out and be deaf people that can read lips.