In Advertising We Trust

Later this year, the U.S. Treasury will begin circulating new $20 bills. For the first time since 1905, the greenbacks will include colors besides green and black. With the new hues and other new design features, the feds are trying to stay one step ahead of tech-savvy counterfeiters.

Though the Treasury says it has no plans to scrap the portraits of former presidents, just imagine the possibilities with full-color currency.

As the U.S. Post Office does with stamps, the Treasury should commemorate historical figures and events with currency. Why not herald our liberation of Iraq with a new $100 with an imperious Donald Rumsfeld on the front? The bill's back might show the dramatic toppling of Saddam's statue in Baghdad with the inscription: ``A new Iraq -- brought to you by Bechtel.'' It's only appropriate that we celebrate our victory with currency given the $20 billion that taxpayers have paid so far.

To raise money for more tax cuts, why not sell currency advertising rights to companies? It's the ultimate marketing tool -- consumers would be reminded of a company's product whenever they open their wallets. Coca-Cola Co. no doubt would pay millions to adorn $1 bills with its familiar red-and-black colors and a portrait of President Bush enjoying a refreshing Coke. The opposite side might depict a happy scene of young Coke drinkers at a baseball game below the reassuring words, "In Coke We Trust." And who's going to miss that creepy eyeball and pyramid symbol on the $1 bill?

Many other companies would pay handsomely to place their logos and characters in currency coveted around the world. It's time to retire Ben Franklin, Ulysses Grant, and Alexander Hamilton in favor of Mickey Mouse, Ronald McDonald, and Tony the Tiger. The corporate characters are more familiar to most Americans anyway.

While ads on legal tender would be jarring, we'd get used to them, just like that bloated Andrew Jackson head on the $20 bill. Obviously, there should be some tasteful limits, so one won't have to drop a Trojan Condoms ten-spot in a church collection plate. But what's more American than advertising?

-Ted Allen