Excerpts
from Justin’s “I Banged Britney” Journal, due
out from Scholastic Publishers in the Fall:
First entry:
September 7th, 2000.
I took Britney’s
virginity tonight. It was after the 2000 MTV Music Awards. We
were in the back of a limo and she was all like, ‘I love
you.’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, that's pretty cool.’
And the next thing I know we're all hot and heavy. All things
considered it was a great night, because the our band won the
Viewer’s Choice award, and backstage I got to sneak a peek
up Beyonce Knowles dress.
February
14th, 2001. Valentine’s Day.
Britney bought
me flowers and a car, then showed me this awesome thing where
she pulls her legs back behind her head while singing Slave For
U. Pretty sweet. Best part of the night, though? When she bought
me the ultra chili dog and fries combo from Wienerschnitzel.
March
19th, 2001.
Tonight Britney did that dance she does in the One More Time Video
… only instead of wearing a catholic schoolgirl uniform,
she wore a uniform recently given to her by the marines. It kind
of made her look like a man. I was all questioning my sexuality
and stuff for a couple hours, but then afterward she took me out
to Wienerschnitzel, so it was all good.
June 12th, 2001.
Whoa.
I banged Britney for like, two hours. She was like the energizer
bunny. She just kept going and going, even after she fell asleep.
August 13, 2001.
Tonight was strange. We stopped in mid-bang, and she started telling me about her problems accepting celebrity, wondering if she could truly stand a lifetime of fame. She said she knew was she was blessed and fortunate, but in return had to sacrifice her privacy for the rest of her life. Finally, after an hour, she let me cum in her mouth.
October 10, 2001.
Note to self: I didn't think I was the romantic type, but apparently I was wrong. It was the quietest, softest it's ever been. Banging Britney is so much better when we turn off our cellphones.
December 24th, 2001.
For Christmas Britney dressed up like Santa and let me sit on her lap. I told her what I wanted for Christmas, but she refused to buy Fred Durst for me. When I got mad, she told me to "look in her sack." Dudes, you don't want to look in Britney's sack. Nothing but spider eggs in there.
May 1st, 2002.
Hi Diary. Sorry it’s been awhile since I’ve written, but I guess Britney and I broke up. She made me promise not to tell anyone that we had sex. I told her I wouldn't, but I am a gigantic asshole, so what do you expect?
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