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PREFACE:
In
light of recent political discussions about the current state
of disrepair in the U.S. military, this office has launched a
full-scale investigation to determine the degree that the Armed
Forces are suffering.
The
result of this invesitgation you will find below. It is our hope
that these vague statistics, generalizations and heart-tugging
stories will add
to the deafening clamour of recent political rhetoric.
These examples are so shocking, they are guaranteed to draw the
attention of foxy television news journalists like Katie Couric
and Dianne Sawyer. Hopefully Stone Philips won't see this report,
since he's kind fo wierd. Mr. Phillips, we won't ask, if you don't
tell.
INTERESTED
PARTIES CAN CALL THE
SECRETARY
GENERAL AT HOME AT ANYTIME.
ESPECIALLY NEXT WEEKEND.
(202) 555-2323
The
Results of Military Budget Cuts:
1.
Military portraits no longer contain the patriotic, inspiring
and expensive backdrops of the past. . .
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2.
All metal tear gas cannisters used for crowd control at home and
abroad are recollected after use to facilitate the refund of our
$.05 deposit in Michigan, Maine or California.
SAVINGS = $1.2 Billion Annually.
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