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Tonight, on the 6:00 Action News:
PANIC!
We're on Orange Alert. We'll tell
you:
• How many missiles is Iraq
pointing at our viewing area?
• How many are pointed at your
home? How many at you directly?
• At YOUR children?
• When will they fire their
missiles?
• What are they loaded with?
• When will we fire our missiles
back at them?
• What can we do to stop war?
• Why isn't our government trying
to work for peace?
• Why our experts say peace
WILL Fail.
• How to protect yourself if terrorists
attempt a bloody seize of your neighborhood
• Why throwing duct tape and
plastic sheets at terrorists won't work
• When crossing the street,
look both ways for terrorists
• North Korea is doing something,
too.
• We'll show you where North
Korea is on a map.
• Then we'll find out what they're
up to, and if it's threatening. And if it's linked
to terrorists.
• We really enjoy saying terrorist.
• Fallout shelters: we'll have
at least five good minutes on them.
• Nuclear Radiation: What will
it do when the terrorists unleash it?
- Our own sexy Tia Laganda will demonstrate while
wearing a leapord thong
• Your children are at risk
... from terrorist Michael Jackson
• And: why your local mechanic
is bilking you out of thousands of dollars
• It's the pill that may stop cancer, aids, impotence,
hunger and terrorism. But the government says it doesn't
want you to have it. Why not?
Does God want the world to end?
A local priest says, "Yes!"
• Two hot lesbians go at it
• Plus: Snow in the forecast!
• Is Michael Jackson trying
to sleep with your children?
• JLo & Ben stand around
and get photographed for an hour. Is their relationship
ready to crumble?
• Is Joe Millionaire a shit
or what? Meet the people on the street that say, "Yes!"
• What Michael Jackson's father
has to say about his son sleeping with your children
• AND: How to spot a terrorist
in a police lineup.
Did you know you can:
• Stop someone from stealing your identity,
• and stop them breaking into your home,
• and prevent them from kidnapping your children,
• and pay them back for sending you hundreds
of unwanted emails.
We'll tell you why the government
won't let you do any of that.
• Meet the woman who's taken
duct tape a little too far and made a thong
out of it!
• Is LeBron James sleeping
in Michael Jackson's bed?
• Kobe Bryant is the best player
in the NBA. But is he better than Shaq?
• Cute puppy dogs
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