Gary Condit: a man who loves this country. After all, his webpage tells us so. Hey good-ol' "Gare" was even kind enough to take time off of his diligent schedule of aiding police investigations just to have a conversation with ABC newswoman Connie Chung. Since we were sorely disappointed with Chung's performance the first time, LostBrain thought we might recommend some questions, should there happen to be an interview redux.

And so, in the vein of our good friends over at Salon, (can they sue us for saying 'good friends'?) some proposed questions for Connie Chung to Gary Condit:

"Say my name, bitch. I'm Connie Chung. Say it!"

1. Why did you hump my leg as I walked in?
   
   
2. Tell me, Did Chandra give you anal?
   
   
3. Oral?
   
   
4. Aural?
   
   
5. Have you seen the latest issue of DUIN magazine? (sorry, it's an inside joke folks)
   
   
6. Who's prettier—Monica or Chandra
   
   
7. Who's dumber?
   
   
8. Who's easier?
   
   
9. What are their phone numbers?
   
   
10. If an intern's name didn't end in the letter 'A', would you still get her pregnant?
    
    
11. Imagine if your daughter went missing and the man she was having an affair with didn't talk to the authorities for 45 days afterward, would you still have sex with your interns? How frequently?
    
    
12. How often did you tell Chandra, "You know I love you baby and I want to leave my wife, but I'm just not sure about the timing—it'll really crush her?"
    
    
13. How many times did you tell your wife, "You know I love you baby and I want to end the affair, but I'm just not sure about the timing—it'll really crush her?"
    
    
14. How many times did you lie and say that you loved her just to get some head?
    
    
15. Does the word "constituents" make you laugh?
    
    
16. If she was pregnant, how much did it cost to hire the hit men?
    
    
17. Say my name, bitch. I'm Connie Chung. Say it!
    
    
18. How long before you would have posted nude pictures of her on the internet?
    
    
19. Admit it: Your life would be a whole lot easier right now if your wife just cut your balls off.
    
    
20. Why does your wife have Chandra Levy voodoo dolls, including one of her floating face down in the Delaware river?
    
    
21. How much do you think said voodoo doll would sell for on eBay?
    
    
22. Your wife has the look of a crazed killer about to strike at any time, why is that?
    
    
23. Finally, Mr. Condit, who let the dogs out, and why?

-Brandon Stahl