1) It's a dark, cold night, and you want someone to wrap you up in a blanket, hold you tight and never let go. Who do you call?

Ex-boyfriend Dicky
Current boyfriend Donny
Iraq

2) One day at lunch Iraq pins you down and farts directly in your face. You tell yourself:

Iraq's even cute when he's being a total pig!
So Iraq's not perfect —no surprise there!
Gross —we should bomb him!

3) Iraq calls you and tells you a secret that he makes you promise you won't tell anyone else. He says, "I'm going to blowup the Eastern Seaboard." Do you:

Immediately tell your cabinet and military advisors, even if Iraq never speaks to you again?
Keep it a secret, because if you don't Iraq may never go out with you?
Show Iraq how much you care by blowing it up yourself?

4) You and Iraq bump into each other in the hallway. Do you:

Immediately get quesy, run to the bathroom and breathe into a paper bag?
Stop to talk... but find yourself discussing arms treaties?
Let him continue to shoot your classmates?

5) Your friends want you to send in at least 50,000 troops to tell Iraq that no matter how cute he is, he just can't treat other people this way. It's time to:

Be a man, send in those troops and do what needed to be done a long time ago.
Tell your friends that you just need to give Iraq a little more time to mature and that sooner or later he'll come around.
Allow Iraq to reach second base with you during gym class.

6) You recently attempted suicide to get the attention of:

Your parents
Colin Powell
Iraq

7) You're at a party and Iraq is groping someone. You feel:

Fine with it. After all, you groped Britain last week.
A little jealous. Iraq promised that he'd grope you tonight.
Incredibly angry. Iraq promised he'd let you in on the three-way.

8) Iraq has just gone on Al Jazeera and told viscious, degrading lies about the United States. You are:

Outraged! Iraq was way off base saying I wanted to secretly hump my brother!
Secretly charmed. Iraq may have a loud bark, but inside he's just a cute, cuddly puppy dog.
In love. Iraq even took the time to get your name right.

9) Iraq most reminds you of:

Patrick from American Psycho
Dick from American Bandstand
Justin from American Idol

10) When it's your "special" time of the month, Iraq brushes it off by lovingly calling you:

Tampons of Mass Destruction
Jihad!
Kofi Annan