Sixty Second Radio Ad -- Al Gore For President

*Music of Lou Vega’s “Mambo #5” plays in background*

Young, Aggressive Voice of Narrator: Hey UCLA, how would like to party with the world’s most famous party animal, AL GORE! He’s coming to the Sigma Ep All-Night-Beer-A-Thon, where he’ll chug-a-lug with UCLA’s hottest babes and hardest-core fraternity brothers. Here’s what happened when he came through Iowa’s Drake University at the Theta Chi house:

Voice of Al Gore: (*shouting*) PARTY! WHOO! WHOO! I love DRAKE UNIVERSITY! Hand me a beer and a few amphetamines and point me to the john! I’ll be puking my guts out in about six hours! PARTY!

Voice of Al Gore’s Nerdy Assistant: Mr. Gore, this is being taped by C-SPAN, I don’t think the American public should know about your binge drinking. They certainly shouldn’t know about your amphetamine use.

Gore: Poindexter, you need to grab yourself a babe, a brew and chill out. *shouts* Now where all those hot UCLA Bruin babes!!? V.P of the U.S. of Getting Some A is in DA HOUSE!

Sexy Voice of young Drake co-ed: Hi Mr. VP. I think you’re hot. Wanna go upstairs for some hot, naked, unprotected sex?

Gore: Baby, in my mind, I’m already upstairs and inside of you. Just let me shoot up a little “H” and you can take a ride on Gore’s Hot Rod.

Nerdy Assistant: Mr. Gore, I definitely don’t think the American people should know about your heroine use or your sexual addiction to underage women. I think we should leave this party and head straight for a public library photo-op.

Gore: Dude, stop trying to hide the Gore Animal. *SHOUTS* THESE COLLEGE KIDS NEED DRUGS, AND THEY ARE ON ME!

Huge Cheer from frat boys and girls

Old, Conservative Sound of Narrator: Vice President Al Gore: He's not really as boring as you've been lead to believe. When you go to the polls, cast your vote for the one man who’s days of playing NBA basketball have made him immune to the effects of heroine, marijuana and sex with underage women. Vote for Bill Bradley.

*Paid for the people to elect John McCain*