Christopher Reeve's New Nuveen Body Is Out of Control

Hollywood - (LB News) - After Nuveen Corporation unveiled Christopher Reeve's new body to the world on a commercial aired during the Super Bowl, Reeve went public today to announce that he no longer has control of it. "When Nuveen first gave me the body, it was great. I could dunk a basketball and live life like a normal 7'5" inch man," said Reeve. "Now I live in constant fear of my body living a life without me."

Reeve's new body was genetically engineered by Nuveen to be 50% bigger, faster and stronger than the strongest man alive. He can now throw a 205 mph fastball, crush a bowling ball in his hand and sleep with three women at the same time. Reeve said that he lost control of the body shortly after the ad aired.

"I fell asleep on the couch watching the Super Bowl and the next thing I know my body is on the phone with Tyson's promoter trying to set up something in Atlantic City. I couldn't stop it," said Reeve. "The body realized it could be more powerful without my head in the way."

However, numerous attempts by the body to cut Reeve's head off have failed. "I've hired bodyguards to make sure that my body doesn't try and kill me," said Reeve. "But sometimes when I go to sleep at night I worry that it will suffocate me with my own pillow."

Reeve's body has started to exploit his fame and has already signed on with the NBA's Portland Trailblazers and will start at center tomorrow night. The body will also attempt to set a world record by pulling a 747 across Lake Michigan. "I'm not sure my bodyguards can keep me alive during this one."

A crazed horse contributed to this report.