The Real Interview

Jesse Ventura's Interview With Playboy has made headlines for months. However, lostbrain.com has discovered that Ventura's political advisors forced Playboy's editors to trim out the most controversial of Ventura's remarks. Here is the original interview in it's entirety:

Unearthing provided by Brandon Stahl

Playboy: "Hello Governor Ventura. Thanks for allowing us to interview you today. I understand you want to break the record for most controversial things said in thirty seconds....

Ventura: "Shutup civilian. Let's get right down to it. I think religion is for the weak minded and is a sham. I think prostitution should be legalized. I think pot should be legalized. Anyone who speaks out against gun control is ignorant and doesn't know the facts. I believe the US won't take out Saddam because he's our oil puppet. I believe that the FBI, the Cubans and my wife all shot Kennedy. There should be a law requiring Christians to parade nude down main streets in Minneapolis..."

Playboy: "Mr. Ventura, you've got to give me a minute to write all this down...."

Ventura: "I'd screw my wife in the governor's office. I believe every body should be cremated and we should stop taking up land with useless cemeteries. I think everyone should get 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin tattoos. I think we should all start eating power bars and shooting heroin at the same damn time. I think it's okay to screw other women in your mind, just don't stick your key in their ignition in real life...."

Playboy: "Mr. Ventura, you can't possibly mean what you're saying?"

Ventura: "Don't interrupt . I believe that the wealthy conduct secret experiments on the poor and program them to remane stupid. Americans should stop eating anything with vinegar in it. I think a day of hunting is never done until you shoot your fellow hunter six times in the back. No one is safe from the plague. I think we should legalize everything that's currently illegal. I think we should setup space colonies the first chance we get. I believe I'm attracted to David Duchovny. That's all the time I've got for today. I think my aides are going to put the muzzle back on me."

Playboy: "Thank you, Mr. Ventura."

*sound of Ventura's aides dragging him away*