Unearthing provided by Brandon Stahl

Playboy: "Hello Governor Ventura. Thanks for allowing us to interview you today. I understand you want to break the record for most controversial things said in thirty seconds....

Ventura: "Shutup civilian. Let's get right down to it. I think religion is for the weak minded and is a sham. I think prostitution should be legalized. I think pot should be legalized. Anyone who speaks out against gun control is ignorant and doesn't know the facts. I believe the US won't take out Saddam because he's our oil puppet. I believe that the FBI, the Cubans and my wife all shot Kennedy. There should be a law requiring Christians to parade nude down main streets in Minneapolis..."

Playboy: "Mr. Ventura, you've got to give me a minute to write all this down...."

Ventura: "I'd screw my wife in the governor's office. I believe every body should be cremated and we should stop taking up land with useless cemeteries. I think everyone should get 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin tattoos. I think we should all start eating power bars and shooting heroin at the same damn time. I think it's okay to screw other women in your mind, just don't stick your key in their ignition in real life...."

Playboy: "Mr. Ventura, you can't possibly mean what you're saying?"

Ventura: "Don't interrupt . I believe that the wealthy conduct secret experiments on the poor and program them to remane stupid. Americans should stop eating anything with vinegar in it. I think a day of hunting is never done until you shoot your fellow hunter six times in the back. No one is safe from the plague. I think we should legalize everything that's currently illegal. I think we should setup space colonies the first chance we get. I believe I'm attracted to David Duchovny. That's all the time I've got for today. I think my aides are going to put the muzzle back on me."

Playboy: "Thank you, Mr. Ventura."

*sound of Ventura's aides dragging him away*