WASHINGTON - In a move that surprised everybody, George Bush Sr. announced his last-minute, Independent Party candidacy for president. “I was just waiting for my cocaine-sniffing, wife-cheating, ‘we-execute-more-people-than-any-other-state-in-the-union’ son of mine to stave off McCain,” Bush Sr. proclaimed. “Now Daddy’s back in town!”

Daddy is indeed back, and Sonny ain’t likin' it. “That bastard talks about chasin’ skirt as if it were a bad thing,” Bush Jr. replied. “And, as far as my druggin’, well, that was nothin’ more than youthful indiscretion.”

“Indiscretion?,” Bush rhetorically asked. “Indiscretion is when you buy extra prophylactics because you’re trying to save money. You were born out of a two-for-one sale, you ‘stupid-ass-never-got-his-chores-done-I-know-what-you- were-doing-with-that-magazine-under-your-bed- yeah-Dad-I'm-in-the-bathroom-for-a-half-an- hour-because-I've-got-'diarrhea'-liar,” Bush Sr. added.

With the Republican nomination easily going by the boards, Bush Sr. realizes it will be an uphill climb. “I know he’s got momentum, but people are voting for a name - and why vote for the poorly genetically-replicated Bush when you can have the original Barbara Bush-banging Bush? I’m the one who fought in WWII, not that little ‘I’m-the-ultimate-conservative-and-the-ultimate-reformer' loser. Does he even know that ‘conservative’ and ‘reformer’ are oxymorons? Does he even know what ‘oxymoron’ means? Don't ask him. You'll only confuse the freak."

Father vs. Son? Wimp vs. Weasel? Junior got the final word, “My dad’s nipples lactate and I can prove it!”

-Eric Butterman