Who The Hussein Babyyyy?!

With Saddam Hussein managing to miraculously get 100% of the Iraqi popular vote, it’s obvious he had campaigning strategies that couldn’t lose. Let’s look at some of them, shall we?

Jews Suck – Always a crowd pleaser. Saddam broadcasted this as a poem on national radio that went something like this: "Jews suck, Jews suck, what the fuck, Jews suck."

Vote Against Me And Die – Most politicians get into trouble when they fail to be clear about where they stand. Saddam doesn’t have this problem. Saddam will stand over your rotting corpse while you die, traitor pig!

The Beret – It shows bravery to wear a beret. Sure, it shows cowardice to kill innocent people, maim women and steal from the poor, but, again, it shows bravery to wear a beret.

Mention George Bush’s "Prowess" – You know what they say, like father like dumb. Here’s another US president that just doesn’t get this Middle East Peace thing. Ain’t genetics grand?

We Rock in Scrabble – Saddam was quick to point that Iraq has a "Q" in it and that’s worth ten freakin’ points in Scrabble. Saddam wasn’t quick to point out that countries can’t be used in Scrabble. If you play Saddam in Scrabble, please don’t challenge him. Please.

Viagra Commercial – "I cut off oppositionist’s testicles. I build weapons of mass destruction. I am completely intolerant of others. I take Viagra."

Trimmed The ‘Stache – The mustache was a little unruly last election. Dude got it trimmed now. Good ‘stache. Good goddamn ‘stache.

- By Eric Butterman