Mr. President, why are we at war?

Introducing cute little Suzy Brauer, LostBrain's new investigative reporter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions of the world's leading superpowers--and look super cute while doing it.

This week, little Suzy scores an exclusive sitdown interview with President Bush. The president wanted to use the opportunity to explain to our nation's children why we're we're at war, and couldn't think of anyone better to relate it to than cute little Suzy.

Suzie: Mr. President, why are we figthing I-raq?

President: Because their leader is an evil man who wants to hurt this country.

S: He is?

P: Yes. He wants to do terrible things to us, Suzy. Can I call you Suzy Q?

S: Mommy says I'm not supposed to accept nicknames from strangers.

P: Okay. You've got a good mommy.

S: Mommy says you want to bomb Iraq because he tried to hurt your daddy.

P: Well, that's not completely true. We want to bomb Iraq because they're hiding weapons of mass destruction.

S: Weapons of mass de-crustition? That's funny. What are those?

P: There's nothing funny about them. Those are like bad toys, Suzy.

S: And he's not allowed to have bad toys?

P: No.

S: Why not?

P: Because we told him he couldn't have them.

S: Is he a grown-up?

P: Yes.

S: Then can't he have toys?

P: Because he can't be trusted with them.

S: Says who?

P: We do.

S: Why? Did he do something with Weapons of Mass Des-crut-ion in the past?

P: Well, no, but we think he might.

S: Why?

P: We just assume they will.

S: But you don't know for sure?

P: Not really.

S: Do you know where his mass descustations are?

P: No, we're not really sure about that either.

S: So, you're going to take his bad toys away even though you're not sure where they are?

P: Well, yes, but...

S: Did you try to find out if he even has bad toys?

P: Kind of. We sent what we call "inspectors" -- those are...

S: I know what inspectors are. Duh, Mr. Prez-i-dent.

P: Yes, well, we sent inspectors into his country to look for them.

S: And did they find any?

P: Not really.

S: Why not?

P: We don't think they looked in the right places.

S: Did you tell them where to look?

P: Yes, but...

S: And they still didn't find them?

P: No, but...

S: Are they still looking now?

P: No, because we told them to leave his country so that we could fight with Saddam.

S: So, you don't know where the bad toys are, don't even know for sure if he has them, and yet you're still want to fight I-raq?

P: Uh huh.

S: Will people get hurt trying to take his toys away?

P: Maybe. Yes.

S: I may be five, Mr. President, but you're pretty dumb.

Read Suzy's Interview with anti-war Centaur Robert Byrd

-Brandon Stahl