Yeah, that was a good
idea. |
What Can We Get
for $87 Billion?
President Bush is asking Congress for $87 billion more
for military and reconstruction efforts in Iraq, Afghanistan
and elsewhere. That sum would further swell the record U.S.
budget deficit, which is projected to reach $475 billion
in 2004.
As we fight global terrorism in these tight budgetary times,
it's worth considering what we can get for $87 billion:
17.8
billion |
rolls of duct tape. That's 62 rolls for
every American man, woman, and child. |
23 billion |
cans of Nabisco Easy Cheese—perfect for practical
jokes on Kim Jong Il and other evildoers. |
1.6 million |
Hummer H2 vehicles (luxury series). At 10 miles per
gallon, what better way to demonstrate our resolve to
keep the world safe for petroleum? |
40.7 billion |
school lunches. We must never forget our brave soldiers
of tomorrow. |
124.3 million |
pairs of Night Owl night vision binoculars. Ideal
for monitoring suspected ACLU members in your neighborhood. |
7.9 billion |
Holy Bibles. If everyone in the world had a Bible,
we wouldn't have to worry about terrorism. |
50.5 billion |
gallons of unleaded gasoline. Just what we need to
keep all those Hummers going. |
21.8 billion |
pints of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia. With enough
ice cream, no one would fret about national security.
|
43.5 billion |
Whoopee Cushions from Fartmart.com. |
17,400,000 |
speeches by former White House press secretary Ari
Fleischer. Charging as much as $50,000 a speech, he
may even answer some questions. |
8.1 million |
jobs, based on a year's salary at minimum wage. |
2.2 billion |
George W. Bush action figures. Each $39.99 doll is
dressed in a Navy flight suit, just like the president
wore when he landed May 1 on the USS Abraham Lincoln
to trumpet the end of ``major combat operations'' in
Iraq. Now everyone can pretend that we're winning the
war. |
- By Ted Allen
More by Ted Allen:
What's Dick Hiding?
How to Spot the Terrorists
Name That
War!
|
