Vice President Dick Cheney has been sued over his refusal to turn over records from his meetings last year with top energy industry executives. We may never know what he's still hiding, but the following partially shredded items were found in a dumpster outside the U.S. Naval Observatory last month:

1. Solicitation from Enron regarding investments in Lord Vader and Dark Side partnerships.
   
   
2. Credit card receipts from fact-finding trips to the Slippery Banana in Houston.
   
   
3. Presidential clemency pricelist (full pardon for a $1 million Bush library donation; $100,000 for transfer to luxurious low-security federal pen in Florida).
   
   
4. Draft of Lynne Cheney novel, "One Heartbeat Away," in which the president is incapacitated by tainted snack foods.
   
   
5. Transcript of Dick Cheney's Feb. 22, 2001 meeting with industry executives at which Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling jokes about the California energy crisis. ("Imagine Hollywood without hair-dryers," and "Hope their hair-dryers run on carrot juice.")
   
   
6. Outline of Enron-CIA plan to drive up energy prices by controlling the weather.
   
   
7. Blurry 2000 GOP convention photos of Dick Cheney sharing tequila shots with the Bush twins.
   
   
8. Letter from President Bush offering to let Enron use the White House for its Christmas party, with hand-written note: "Kenny-boy, mi castle es su castle."
   
   
9. Draft of Lynne Cheney screenplay, "The Body Electric," in which the vice president's wife--left alone after her husband moves to an undisclosed secure location--arranges her own top-secret meetings with energy executives.

-Ted Allen