George Bush, Evil Genius The Most Evil Man in the World Strikes Again!
"There is no evil in the action;
only in men's souls." - Adlai Stevenson
Daily To Do List:
x
Get in bed with oil companies
x
Taxes: cut them for the wealthy, raise them for
the poor, kick the middle class in the butt with
my big shiny boot
x
Go to war with more Muslim countries
x
Turn the United States into a police state
x
Bankrupt the U.S. economy
-
Grow one of those twirly mustaches, twirl it
[Hits intercom button]
"Betty, how are those thousands of seals in
Alaska doing?"
"I believe they're dead, sir."
"Uh huh. And why is that?"
"I believe it's because you ordered them to
be slaughtered, sir."
"I see. And was this an expensive order that
I made?"
"Yes, sir. We've already spent several billion
dollars killing these seals."
"And could this money have been spent on better
things, like education, or health care?"
"Probably, sir."
"Hot damn! I'll sleep well tonight, Betty."
Updated To Do List:
x
Funnel funding for the National Endowment
to the Arts, Social Security and Medicare into secret
nuclear super plane project
x
Decide which arch nemesis to destroy first with
secret nuclear super plain: the rainforests, or the
polar ice caps?
-
Figure out how to grow a twirly mustache
Dear Diary,
Damn, it'd be sweet to melt those ice caps. I
just hate them! But I'm so sick of those rainforests.
Always getting in my way.
Oh, which one do I destroy first? I hate these
kinds of decisions.
Talk to you later,
George
[Later, in Oval Office]
"Mr. Bush, we simply cannot find any weapons
of mass destruction in Iraq."
"You failed me, admiral."
"I'm a general, sir."
[Bush squints, makes motion of squeezing thumb and
forefinger together]
"Mr. President, what are you doing?"
[Bush keeps squinting]
"Are you… are you trying to choke me …
using the Force?"
[President throws a brick at his head]
[Hits intercom]
"Betty, bring me a new admiral."
Updated To Do List:
x
Repeal the odd numbered amendments
x
Take over Vermont
x
Get rid of all the poor people in the country
-
Point a gun at face to force it to grow hair
[Hits intercom]
"Betty, do you know if Rogaine works on facial
hair?"
Daily To Do List:
x
Vanquish my opposition
x
Get rid of Congress
x
Use the U.S. Constitution to wipe my ass
x
Announce myself as supreme dictator
x
Change my name to "Zod."
x
Force Superman to kneel before me.
-
See if those seals would make for good synthetic
facial hair.
[Hits intercom]
"Betty, can you bring me a map of the world?"
"Yes sir."
"And my darts. We're going to war."
"Certainly sir."
"And how good are you at drawing pencil mustaches?"
Dear Diary,
Whew, what a day. Got so much accomplished: I'm
hated and feared, the world is completely against
me, and it's only a matter of time before a climatic
showdown between me and those ice caps and rainforests.
Most importantly, I've got this sweet-ass mustache
drawn on my face. I can't twirl it, but Betty
says she'll sew some strings on my cheeks, and
I'll be able to twirl those.
