A CIA Pamphlet filled with more lies: Planes don't fly on the ground!

What happened: Sept. 11
Result: Major attack from known U.S. enemy resulted in thousands dead.
How the president blamed the CIA: They did not provide other government agencies with the intelligence to stop it.

What happened: We launched a worldwide manhunt for Osama bin Laden.
Result: He is still alive and continues to embarrass the United States.
How the president blamed the CIA: Time and again, They provided false intellegence about his location.

What happened: Invaded Iraq to get rid of their weapons of mass destruction, lack of weapons of mass destruction
Result: Weapons not found.
How the president blamed the CIA: Provided faulty intelligence about presence of weapons. They told him to attack.

That gives me an idea….

What happened: I stopped paying my bills.
Result: I was forced to relocate to an Arby’s bathroom.
Why the CIA is to blame: The CIA provided me with false intelligence: they didn’t tell me that not paying bills would result in lack of electricity, water and home.

What happened: Some guy I met in the bathroom wouldn’t stop telling me that I couldn’t live there.
Result: I murdered him.
Why the CIA is to blame: The CIA probably provided the guy at Arby’s with false intelligence that I couldn’t be allowed to live in the bathroom.

What happened: The damned guy at Arby’s gave me a chicken sandwich with ketchup instead of barbeque sauce.
Result: I ate the guy at Arby’s.
Why the CIA is to blame: The CIA has created a world that people are afraid to live in. We’re so nervous, they’re putting freaking ketchup on my god damned chicken sandwiches, and I have to keep eating Arby’s guys.

What happened: Hoping to find a better place to live, I decided to sue the CIA for providing so much false information.
Result: I am still living in the Arby’s bathroom.
Why the CIA is to blame: They hired Johnny Cochrane.

-Brandon Stahl