It has been brought to my attention that people find Lostbrain's writings to be
of a subversive, left-wing cult-like nature. It is time for me to separate my
views from that of my "colleagues." It is time for "The Butterman
Manifesto."
- I am against drug testing, but I am for pissing into office cups.
- I am for equal rights of the unborn child. Therefore, if a fetus can find
a way to kill the mother in the first trimester, then cool beans.
- I hate long walks on the beach.
- It's degrading that women are paid less for doing the same job as men. That's
no way to treat a great piece of tail.
- "Welcome Back, Kotter" or "Room 222?" 222 is Kotter's
bitch (and I don't mean that in a nice way).
- I'm not afraid to admit I'm a nice guy. How come everyone else is?
- I like my martinis like I treat newborn infants -- shaken and mentally-disturbed.
- Oliver Stone is both Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby. Didn't you ever notice
how we never saw the famed director in the same room with either of them?
- Oliver Stone is Jim Morrison. Also, never in the same room.
- Oliver Stone is sane. Same theory.
- Do you ever wonder?
- "Money is the root of all evil." Oh yeah? Well, then how do you
explain Bill Gates?
- I don't understand number twelve either.
- Now that the Cabbage Patch Kids have reached adulthood, I bet you don't think
those freaks are so cute anymore. Outty belly-buttoned freaks!
- Yes, I never got a Cabbage Patch Kid growing up, and, yes, it still hurts
more than getting an enema kit for your anniversary.
- If our feet were where our hands were and vice versa, would men have to hop
when they read Playboy?
- I pray this more clearly states my views. If it doesn't, then I pray it more
unclearly states my views. Either way, I'm rewarding myself with ice cream.
-Eric Butterman
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