The Ultimate Weapon

Behold! The Terrible Cork!

Bow before it!

To understand THE CORK is to understand evil:

• Watch in terror as the cork bores into the bat of your hero!

• Tremble in sadness as you realize your hero sold his soul to the cork in exchange for more home runs and continued lucrative endorsement deals!

• Stand in shock as the cork reduces your hero to a lying, cheating, sniveling crook who you wouldn't trust with a library card!

• Listen to your children cry as the cork causes your hero's baseball cards go down in value!

• Act outraged when your hero says that he did not have sexual relations with that cork

• Consider carefully the leaflet being passed around the ballpark to burn your former hero at the stake!

• Turn your head to the side and cough while I squeeze here.

• Weap in agony as a party host has tremendous difficulty removing the cork from a wine bottle!

• Question your faith in god as the cork gets more ink in the New York Times than the current hunt for Weapons of Mass Destruction!

• Look askew at one side as you question how a single piece of cork could get so much publicity, while millions of people in this country go wihout health care!

• Stop yelling at the talk radio d.j. when he gives an opinion on the cork that differs from yours! We're all against the cork!

• Keep to yourself the thoughts you've had of corking your penis. It did not help your hero's sex life, it will not help yours!

• Don't give up in the battle of good vs. cork. Through vigilance, determination and unity, we will prevail. One day, the cork will be no more!

• We're serious about not corking your penis. Seriously, it's not like putting cork into a bat.

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