Sign up now for the ultimate fantasy game!

Powder Puff Fantasy Football 2003 offers the hottest fantasy action anywhere on the Web.

This year's features include:

• Live draft. Rank the players, draft them, throw buckets at them once on your team.

• Haze your fantasy players unmercifully. Punish them if they play poorly or the senior boys give too much attention to them.

• This is intense powder puff football, dammit. No one in your league quits, or they get pounded with a trout.

• Scores, stats, standings and head wounds updated in real-time.

• Anger.

• Don't even have to know how to play powder puff football. You don't even have to know what it is.

• Excrement meters let you know when your players have eaten too much feces... or not enough.

• Free alcohol, provided by parents of other league owners. Parents will also provide bail money, excuses for the judge, college tuition, and later, massive inheritiance. But only if you cry really, really hard and promise to throw pig intestines at other league owners.

• Violent rage.

• Great rewards for league champion, including free t-shit, the bitter hatred of your defeated foes, and a really hot guy taking you to senior prom.

• Learn which fish guts make for excellent projectiles.

• Press the underage button so that you won't be tried as a criminal. Continue playing, even while in juvenille hall.

• Recruitment letters from Al Queda operatives.

Sign-up today:

Only $39.95, plus cost of jersey and pints of blood (when needed)

Must prove existence of health insurance, rich parents, good lawyer

Must be 16 or under to play.

Must supply own trout, pig intestines and fecal matter.