Mike Tyson's School of Dentistry

Hi, You're Mike Tyson. And you've got bad teef.

That's why I'm going to fix them for you at the Mike Tyson School of Dentistry. I have proven a thousand times over a thousand that I am really good with other people's teef, and now I am anxious to marble yours into an oblivion times ten. I am that great with teef. I'm going to fixate them for you and your children. When you graduate, I will give you a degree that will show you are ready go out into the world of dentalistory to service the teef of others.

But first I'm going to eat you.

At the Mike Tyson school of Dentistry, I will show you how to clean between the gums, polar bears and bicupids. My school is an intense five half minute course located in the heart of my brain. My goal is simple: to devour your molars. I will lock you in a chair and verbally tell you all about how I'm going to clean up the mess that I made in your mouth. While I am giving you this hysterectomy, I will illustrate my patented flossing technique, using pork fat and wire hangers that allows me to climb those hard to reach areas of your mouth, back where the brain sits.

And then I will eat your livestock.

Your children will be strapped in a chair paralyzed with fear by my fear raygun. It is a powerful tool of dentalectomy that allows me to come into your window at night and sing love songs. I prefer Celine Dion. I play it often at my school of dentistry.

But do not trust my powerful sales voice. Listen to what else I had to say about my school:

"I love children. My dental collegry is so great that they should be stomped in the face until they enroll. "

and

"If there is a female reporter of the woman persuasion that is in my school and she is not naked in in five seconds I'm going to go home in Mini-van and give her a blowjob."

I've already had over 500 jillion graduates leave my school, and they've all found jobs in the dentronology zones, including famed ESPN reporter Stuart Scott. He, like so many graduates, is able to fix mouths and spell. It's like I told that woman behind the counter of Barney's: "You've got a great ass. We should have sex in the back of the gym broom closet while the Romans are still in power."

She became a successful student at my school dentristy. Won't you be the next? Vasser College has already endorsed me, and you should too. Enroll today! The cost is only $49.95 for the fight, and children get disfigured for free!

(Note: Dental school not endorsed by Vasser College)

- Brandon Stahl