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Philadelphia New Jersey Net Kenyon Martin, who was recently called for flagrant
fouls against Karl Malone and Tracy McGrady, lost his head again...and so did
the now-deceased Allen Iverson. Last night, Martin pulled out a machete and sliced
Iverson's noggin off as the 76er guard was driving the lane, forcing NBA Commissioner
David Stern to hit Martin with a two-game suspension and an undisclosed fine.
"We are very anti-decapitation in our league," said Stern. "I hope
this will teach Kenyon for next time. I also warned him that if he pops a cap
in anyone's ass, at least on the court, that he's suspended until the All-Star
Game." Martin, who claimed he was only playing "hard-nosed basketball,"
told Iverson's twitching, headless body to "get up and stop being a pussy."
Iverson's head replied by saying he now understood what "running around like
a chicken with his head cut off" finally meant, asked if anyone had any extra
weed, then died. Iverson is survived by his 29 unclaimed children, all living
in NBA cities.
-Eric Butterman
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