A Rose by Any Other Game

With Pete Rose's recent admission of gambling on baseball, there is speculation he will finally enter the Baseball Hall of Fame. LostBrain, always digging further, used our contacts and ouija boards to talk to the greatest athletes for their opinions on whether he's deserving.

Ty Cobb, dead baseball great:

"I cheered with everyone when he broke my hit record, but gambling on baseball should mean no Hall of Fame. I remember when players could be expected to honor two things: not betting on baseball and not letting a negro pass without beating them within an inch of their life. Boy, there was nothing better than getting that bat in your hands, and then smacking it over a negro. Those were good times."

Robert Parrish, living basketball great:

"Now I may play basketball, but I'm in the Hall of Fame in my sport and the same betting rules apply. Can you hold a sec, LISTEN BITCH I'LL KNOCK YOU DOWN THESE GODDAMN STAIRS!!! Pete had no perspective of the right thing to do. WOMAN, YOU BETTER KNOW YOUR PLACE! I'LL BREAK YOUR OTHER GODDAMN LEG! Pete just has some issues that he I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT!!!"

O.J. Simpson, living football great:

"Pete Rose is an embarrassment. I mean, it's not like he just brutally murdered his wife and her friend and got away with it. He bet on baseball. This is not just like taking two innocent people's lives here. Hell, he may have injured the integrity of the game for God sakes. You can't compare two measly lives to a game. If you did, then my name would be removed from the football Hall of Fame. The lesson is clear: don't bet on the Reds, do decapitate your wife."

Ted Bundy, dead little league great:

"Pete's a scumbag!"

-Eric Butterman