8 Questions They Should Have Asked Barry Bonds

After watching the recent Barry Bonds press conference, I really feel there were a few missed questions. Such as...

Is it true you eat small children?

Were you offended when Webster's recently put your face next to the word 'asshole?'

Did you know this was the first year they recognized the word 'asshole' in Webster's?

Need a hug?

Is it true that you invented a time machine, went back in time, shot Abraham Lincoln, framed John Wilkes Booth, all while writing the pilot of "Joanie Loves Chachi?"

Did Joanie really love Chachi?

Now if I'm cooking small children, say for a family of five, do I want to spread the tartar sauce completely around the base of the small child or does a more even distribution apply?

So you're black?