Now you, too, can own authentic MLB steroid
from your favorite Herculean baseball players!
same syringes, powders, pills, potions and body-warping
Tijuanan drugs that have helped your
baseball heroes obliterate slugging records and beat
their wives and/or girlfriends senseless can now be
This Just Isn't Nerd-Impressing Memorabilia.
Products Can Help You, Too, Bulk Up Just in
Time for Next Year's Spring Training!
a part of the revolution that BOTH Sports
Illustrated and ESPN call, "Frightening!"
and "Strangely Addictive!"
this without ever having to step foot into a Mexican
the same needles that superstars like Cliff
Floyd, Barry Bonds, Bret Boone and Luis Gonzalez
have used to make millions of dollars!
all of your slow-pitch softball league's
coworkers with your incredible slurred speech
and your massive Cro-Magnon forehead!
Blame Your Sore Ass on Something Other than
a Night With Mike Piazza!
57 homeruns and have a breakout season with
the Arizona Diamondbacks!
Throttle the Asshole Behind the McDonalds
Counter that Fucked Up Your Order!
your kids who's boss!
Just Like Cattle!
to get an erection!
Portion of the proceeds will benefit American Cancer
are bidding on this GREAT
a part of Barry Bonds'
chase of Hank Aaron's 755 all-time home runs record.
he inches closer and closer to immorality, now
you can own Barry Bonds' Autographed Syringe:
exact syringe he used to wallop 73 homers
is a one-of-a-kind! We only have 2,000 of these
left, so bid now!
Do not inject Bonds needle into skin. Will cause
you're the High Bidder on the Barry Bonds auction,
we'll throw in Ken Caminiti's Shrunken Genitalia!
of roid abuse caused his testicles and penis
to fold up inside his body.
they finally "dropped", he didn't need them
he's passing them on to you!
(June 2, 2002): Genitalia slightly damaged
due to feline mishap:
we were unable to extract the penis from the
cat (though we tried. Damnit we tried!) Caminiti's
genitals proved unsavory and are still relatively
take a look at our other exciting steroid auctions:
is YOUR chance to own BASEBALL HISTORY!
Don't Miss Out!
you're here, please sign our online petition
begging Cubs infielder Augie Ojeda to cycle steroids.
Winning bidder pays all shipping and handling fees,
$6.50 through U.S. Mail.
$2.00 extra if you want products to delivered in Coleman
We only accept money orders or personal checks. Must
wait seven days for all checks to clear. Payment due with
one week of auction.
Please: SERIOUS BIDDERS ONLY!